It had been another long day and Vlad was tired and in need of R and R before Grim asked for his help again!!

Hi boss will this hard hat do??
greeting s the "Cabin man" Vlad

Ted's Terrible Trauma

Good evening friends it has been quit a while since I have found time in my extremely busy schedule to actually talk to you. But today's events were so awful I feel compelled to inform you all of what occurred!

The feeble minded assistant was making her usual sadly lack lustre attempts at settling my surfs and servant down for the night when Hamburg Ted's leg dropped off. I ask you !! HIS LEG DROPPED OFF?? Just dropped off erh! how! "Well your honour I was just holding this bear when his leg dropped off" Yes it is obviously an everyday occurrence, happens all the time ....I mean you just look at a bear and his leg drops off!

Well she was , to her credit very apologetic and mortified to have caused Ted such inconvenience!! Well I can tell you I was all for dashing off to get some help from of my best friends... DRS Frankenstein, Death, Blood, Kildare and Kovach!! But the feeble minded assistant said she was capable of assisting me so we spent 38hours in surgery.... ( Vlad I think that is an exaggeration , it was much more like 38mins)..Well it seemed like 38hours..just get on with the typing!!!
We did manage to save Ted's leg and stem the bleeding ..( Vlad stop licking your lips it is not becoming of you) well I am pleased to tell you that thanks to me the great Surgeon Vlad Ted is now on the mend!

VLAD GETS A SUMMONS

It was a dark night and it was raining, Vlad was sitting by the window watching the large drops of rain plop, plopping off the window sill onto the garden below. There was no Moon visible because the cloud was so heavy. Wrapping his cape around him Vlad felt very glad that he was inside on a night like this. This had not always been the case. Time was that Vlad would have revelled in this type of weather and he used to like nothing better than flying around in a thunder storm dodging the lightening and dancing to the thunder. Not tonight though he was warm and cosy inside this house with all his friends and family around him.

It was some time later and Vlad must have nodded off because he was awoken with a start by aloud banging at the window. Rubbing his eyes Vlad peered out into the gloom trying to see who or what was making such a commotion. Slowly his eyes adjusted to the darkness outside and he saw a drenched bat smiling or snarling, it was hard to tell which. Carefully Vlad eased the window open and invited the sopping creature into the house. After he had given the bat a towel and a warm drink he asked him what he wanted. The visitor was very black and short sighted and Vlad had to chuckle as the bat addressed a duster that had been left on the sill next to him. Tapping him on the shoulder Vlad said “I’m here old chap, unless you have bought an important communication for the duster and as I am the only creature in this household named Vlad I do not think that that is very likely.”

The bat turned around, stretched his wings and then using his sonar instead of his eyes he found, he whom he sort! Bowing deeply he handed Vlad a rolled parchment tied with a crimson ribbon that was edged with gold. Vlad took a deep breath as he recognised the writing on the front of the parchment; it was from the Grandmother with The Invisible Cape. Instantly Vlad knew that this could only mean one thing……TROUBLE! As you can see not only with a capital T but completely spelt in capitals! With shaking paws Vlad took the letter from the outstretched bats paws and looked at it, then decided to read it later. As he did the bat bowed him another deep bow and then without any warning disappeared in a puff of smoke leaving behind only a few ashes to prove that he had ever been there. “Hum” thought Vlad “that was a little melodramatic and uncalled for; he had not even finished his drink!”

It was all quiet and Vlad was on his own again. He had pushed the parchment to the other end of the window sill and was trying to ignore it. As the thunder and lightening thrashed about outside and the rain splashed against the window Vlad tried very hard not to notice that the parchment had two claws sticking out on either side. As the noise of the thunder clapped overhead Vlad tried very hard not to see that , slowly it was creeping towards him. As it got closer and closer Vlad could hear the unmistakable voice of the Grandmother with The Invisible Cape and the closer it got the angrier it sounded. “I know you are there Vladimir, and I know that you know I am here too. Just stop pretending this is not happening and talk to me!” Then with a final flourish the parchment upended itself, unfurled, to reveal a very red faced and angry black caped figure.

To say that the Grandmother with The Invisible Cape was an imposing sight was an understatement.From the pointed black ears that stuck out of her black lace viel to the pointy black shoes that stuck out from underneath her voluminous black skirts.. She looked scary enough but when she spoke Vlad visibly paled, not a sight seen often. “Just what do you think you are doing keeping me waiting like this?” Roared the Grand mother. “I have travelled thousands of miles as this message and you shove me in a corner.!!!” Vlad realised that this was of course not the real Grandmother with the Invisible Cape just her message, though this was scary enough. She was now coming towards Vlad waving her black and silver walking cane at a, by now, quaking Vlad . Holding up his paws to protect himself from the blows now reigning down on him Vlad said, as calmly as he could. “Please, please what is the message, I am listening. Look I am all ears.” Seeming to double in size the message took a deep breath and looked Vlad in the eyes and announced “You are to present yourself to the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape, at the Family castle in Transylvania tomorrow.” With that she held up her hand to silence any objections that Vlad was about to make, then as the room lit up with a lightening flash she disappeared, just as the bat who had bought her had done.

Standing alone in the dark Vlad brushed the dust, left behind by the message, off of the window sill and sighed a sigh at the thought of the journey he now had to make.

Creeping upstairs so as not to wake anyone Vlad first wrote a note to Vladdette, his wife, to explain his absence which he hoped would be no longer than 24hrs at the most! And then he packed a few essentials into his cape, checked that all was well with the others and then left as silently as he could….This was not so much silent as noisy, he misjudged the window frame as he went to pass through the glass bashed his head on the plastic frame and as he tried to recover his balance his cape got caught on nail in the wall and he landed with an undignified thud on the front lawn. As he lay there in the pouring rain trying to recover his self composure he heard someone calling his name. It was white Ted “What’s going on Vlad? Have you gone mad? It is chucking it down out there!” “That fact has not passed my notice.” replied a very wet and by now irritable Vlad.What was he doing out here getting soaked when he could be inside, all warm and cosy. He took a deep breath and told white Ted about the visitor, the Message and the Summons. White Ted listened intently to Vlad and when his best friend had finished talking he said, without hesitation. “I will come with you, Vlad and keep you company on your journey.”

Vlad raised a paw as if to stop white Ted then he seemed to stop and think. Perhaps white Ted could be of assistance; if nothing else he was always a good friend to have in your corner. So lifting his head up Vlad smiled at white Ted and replied, “That would be good if you are sure. Be quick my friend get your things and tell the others what you are up to.” As he flew up stairs white Ted heard Vlad say “we will have to travel light.”

The rain still had not let up and Vlad and white Ted were finding it very hard going. Their capes, now sodden, were weighing them down and the rain drops were blurring their vision. Their progress was none the less impressive, Vlad being a real Immortal Vampire Bear had special powers, though Vlad had not used them in ages and they were a little rusty. White Ted held on tightly to the back of Vlad’s cape and this allowed him to keep up with his supersonic friend.

They had been flying for fifteen minutes, now and had taken a route out over the White Cliffs of Dover, across Paris and the Eiffel Tower where the had stopped to see the city by night and look at the lights of Notre Dame and the Sacre Coeur whilst hanging upside down from the Glass triangle at the Louvre.They had then moved swiftly on over Germany then stopping for a few minutes in the Czech Republic for refreshment. They enjoyed a plate of pork dumplings and sauerkraut washed down a bottle of the, new Czech speciality wine, Ice and Straw, which they enjoyed very much. As they passed over Slovakia Vlad pointed out the village where the two Slove Bats had been born a long time ago. The rain had long since turned to snow and white Ted was getting very cold and tired. He asked Vlad was it much further as his paws were going numb.Vlad turned to him and said “Do you see those mountains up ahead, they are the Carpathian Mountains. We are entering Hungary now and soon we will see the Family Castle in the Trinova Mare Valley. So hold on my friend we are nearly there.” Reaching out Vlad pulled white Ted closer to him and shielded him from the snow and wind with his cape. “Look, look” cried Vlad “there is the Castle now over there on the highest peaks.” White Ted strained his eyes to see what Vlad was pointing at and to his surprise he could see two Massive castles looming up through the snow. Raising his voice above the noise of the howling wind he asked Vlad. “Which is your castle?” Vlad laughed “The bigger one of the two of course is ours that other one belongs to our neighbour and is called The Fortress of Sighisoara, it has a very chequered history.”

Before white Ted could ask any more questions he felt Vlad slowing down and descending towards the very big, dark and menacing castle. If white Ted was hoping for a soft landing he was to be unlucky! Vlad was as usual showing off, knowing that all the staff would be on the look out for his arrival he decided to give them a show. Circling the castle twice getting lower each time Vlad went into a fast dive pulling up at the last minute and soaring up into a barrel roll spiralling back and forth across the courtyard he was indeed putting on an impressive show. Unfortunately as he started to perform a Triple Sulko, the formidable figure of the Grandmother with the Invisible cape appeared at one of the windows and loudly commanded Vlad to cease this ‘Tom Foolery’. Vlad was so shocked that he lost concentration and white Ted who luckily for him fell onto a soft mattress that had for whatever reason had been thrown out into the courtyard. Stunned and shocked Vlad misjudged the height of one of the castle ramparts and smashed into the stone wall with some force. As he lay on the stone floor of the courtyard watching little stars dance around his head Vlad could hear the harsh voice of the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape Saying. “Boris, will you kindly go and collect the creature that landed on the mattress and while you are out there scrape up young master Vlad and bring him to me in the great hall!”

The Great hall was just that, a huge long room with a stone floor and high stone walls decorated with richly coloured tapestries and painting of Vlads’ ancestors, along the left side there was the most impressive display of medieval weaponry that you could ever expect to see! The centre of the room was taken up with the longest table you had ever seen it could sit thirty people or more, though it was not set for a meal it did have several large candle sticks and silver and gold bowls dotted about on it. The hall was dominated by a huge fire place above which was Vlad’s family coat of arms; the fire was alight and warming the top end of the hall. Next to the fireplace was a huge black chair upholstered in red and edged in gold, and sitting in this chair, dressed in black was the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape. She was sitting facing down the long hall and had a perfect view of the huge wooden, double doors at the entrance to the hall tapping her toes and fingers, and she was not a patient Bat....

White Ted, meanwhile, had had a soft landing and had been pleased to meet Boris who had gently scooped him up in his massive hand and carried him into the warmth of the castle. He had set him down on the kitchen table and then left him to take in his surroundings while he went out again to fetch, as he had put it ‘the Master’ as he went out into the courtyard he looked back over his shoulder and said to white Ted “Help yourself to the food and drink, my wife has prepared it especially for you.” And then he was gone. Left alone white Ted looked around him and could hardly believe what he saw, everything was so large, he was used to human large but this was different, this was huge! The room itself seemed endless and the ceiling as high as the mountains outside. Luckily though it was much warmer in here than it was outside and there was no snow falling that had to be a plus. Moving along the table, which was long and broad white Ted was shocked at how far he was from the floor and decided that it would be prudent to keep away from the edge. Venturing further up the table, which was set with all manner of cooking utensils and food and bowls all bigger and richer than he had ever seen in his life white Ted eventually found a plate of food and a steaming hot drink set out on china that was just the right size for him. He was starving all that flying had given him an appetite, though in truth it was not really that long since he and Vlad had stopped for a snack on route. Well he was not one to waste food so he picked up the silver knife and fork laid out for him and began to eat. He had not had many mouthfuls when he noticed a large face smiling at him. This was Olga, the wife of Boris, she was also larger than anyone white Ted had seen before but he was not afraid of her, he could tell instinctively that this was a kind and gentle being. “Hello little teddy, what is your name?” she asked her face lit up by her smile. “You seem very hungry, would you like some more food?” she enquired, “No thank you.” replied white Ted, he was nothing if not polite. “The food was absolutely delicious, thank you. My name is white Ted.” He then took a step backwards and in true bearmanly form, with a flourish of his cape he bowed a deep bow to Olga. As he straightened up he asked. “And may I have the privilege of knowing your name Madame?” “Of course you may it is Olga and I am the wife of Boris who bought you in here.” With this she held out a finger to white Ted which he took and shook, which was no mean feat when the finger in question is the biggest you have ever seen. “I see that you have accompanied the young master and from the state of you I can see it has been an eventful time for you.” Olga said, straightening white Ted’s cape. “Yes it was rather” replied white Ted. “I have not travelled so far or so fast before and I can tell you though it was very exciting I hope the return journey is a little less rushed!” Olga smiled at the little white bear and felt touched by the innocence in his eyes. “yes she said let’s hope it is” as she turned away for a second she added under her breath, “If return you do.” Then taking a deep breath she cleared her throat and was just about to add something when she was stopped before she could speak by the huge kitchen door swinging open with a resounding bang! White Ted and Olga swung round to see what had caused the commotion.

What a sight met their eyes, Boris was covered with snow and soaking wet, his coat and boots were covered with mud and his scarf, which was usually wound around his neck in three neat pleats was hanging down by his knees giving him an overall bedraggled look!!! “Oh my, what happened to you?” Asked a shocked Olga. “Hum” replied the miserable looking Boris. To white Teds surprise he noticed that Boris was actually smiling; despite his bedraggled appearance he looked happy?? Olga smiled a knowing smile and asked “Did you find the Master?” “Yes I did and here he is!!!!”

Just so you will understand why Boris was in such a state I will recount to you what had happened to him in the courtyard. If you recall Vlad was showing off and attempting to pull off a triple Sulko manoeuvre which he had sadly misjudged and slammed into the castle wall with such a force that he had landed splat on his back on the courtyard floor, after loosing hold of white Ted.

Well he had laid there for some time watching the pretty stars dancing around his head and the fairy blacksmiths banging hammers on anvils in his ears! As the dizzy feeling had slowly subsided he had heard footsteps approaching, large, giant footsteps. Pretending to be unconscious Vlad had lain very still and quiet waiting …. . He knew who was approaching. As the poor unsuspecting Boris arrived on the seen he was greeted by, a for all the world a comatosed Vlad. Unaware that he was being watched by the tiny sleeping figure Boris strode right up and bent down to gently pick up his master. It had been a long time, eon’s infact since he had seen Vlad and time had clouded his memory as to how mischievous his Master could be. Just as he stretched out his hand to pick up the prone Vlad he was shook to the core and dazed by the horrendous roar that Vlad had let out. To say that that was the shriek to end all shrieks was an understatement!! As the poor unsuspecting Boris was reeling from the noise Vlad had flown up his left trouser leg, through his thermal vest and out of his scarf at such a speed that Boris had been sent flying into the slush and snow of the courtyard. Having hold of Boris’s scarf Vlad proceeded to circle around the beset servant unravelling his scarf as he went. This continued for several minutes until Boris finally recovered himself and reached out a large hand and caught his spiralling Master as one would catch a Dandelion, fairy, seed. Well Vlad was so pleased to see his old friend; Boris had spent a lot of time taking care of Vlad when he was young. Boris was as everyone else inside the castle walls, immortal though unlike Vlad and the rest of his kind the servants could not leave the castle unless they were in the company of one or more of the Family for if they did they would age and die.

After a lot of larking around Vlad asked Boris how George and all the other servants and retainers were keeping. Boris Had replied that all were well apart from the odd aches and pains and believe you me the aches and pains in this castle were very odd indeed!!

Stopping short Vlad said with a sudden urgency “Boris have you seen my companion his name is white Ted he travelled all the way here to be with me and I dropped him when I heard you know who shouting at me? Is he ok, have you seen him?” Boris smiled at his Masters worried expression. “Yes Master I have seen him and he is safe and warm inside with Olga she has prepared you both a meal.” So with that they had both entered the kitchen.

After Olga had made a great fuss of Vlad and made sure that he and white Ted had had enough to eat, no mean feat. Boris reminded the Master that the Grandmother with the invisible cape was still awaiting him in the great hall. Now Vlad had been enjoying being back with his old friends and the other members of staff had all been in to see ‘the Master’ Vlad enjoyed holding court, as we well know. Boris gently reminded him that he had been summoned here for a purpose and that the purpose was getting very impatient. Vlad did not like being reminded of this and started to throw a tantrum, stamping his foot and thrashing his cape around and working himself up into real state. Boris, who was used to all this and was not impressed, banged loudly on the table and told Vlad in no uncertain terms that he was expected in the great hall NOW………………

As Vlad slowly pushed open the huge doors to the great hall he could hear a rhythmic, tap tap tapping of tiny black pointy shoes on the stone floor and the scrap scrapping of tiny sharp claws on the arm of a chair somewhere in the distance. He entered the vast hall and immediately he could feel the tension, a distant but fierce voice reached his ears. “Vladimir is that you, Why have you kept me waiting for so long?” The Grandmother with the Invisible cape did not sound happy. As these words resounded across the room Vlad felt the temperature drop to at least forty degrees below zero and he could see icicles forming on the chandeliers high above him. “Well!!” the voice boomed out again. “Are you going to keep me waiting all night?” Knowing that there was no sense in prolonging the agony Vlad flapped his cape and took off for the dark side of the Hall, dodging the icebound chandeliers he headed for the fire light at the far end of the room. As he neared the huge chair where the Grandmother with the Invisible cape was awaiting his arrival memories of centuries gone by rushed before him, making the room very crowded and difficult to navigate. Finally he arrived and landed on the arm of the chair…. Well I say chair it was more a throne, it was made of what looked like black ivory and the back and seat where covered in a blood red material the like of which no human eyes had ever seen. The strangeness of the chair did not stop there it was like a living thing and had four clawed feet and two clawed hands on the end of its arms. These feet and hands were tapping in time with those of the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape. “Hello Grandma.” Beamed Vlad, flashing his pearly white fans and bowing deeply. “Don’t you Grandma me you snivelling toad and you can stop crawling before you begin, as it will do you no good. No good at all!” the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape looked furious, her eyes sparkled as she spoke and smoke was coming out of her ears and mouth.

Ok thought Vlad there was no point in trying to flatter her when she was like this there was no reasoning with her! So clearing his throat he took another deep bow and said. “Please forgive me Grandmother, for keeping you waiting. It was very wrong of me but the truth is it was so tempting to stay and show off to everyone in the kitchen, when I knew all I would get from you was a frozen greeting and a telling off!!”Vlad had learnt over millennia that the blunter and more truthful you were with the Grandmother with the Invisible cape, the better things went for you. The tapping and scratching stopped immediately and the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape took in a deep breath. “You always were a spoilt show off but that is why I love you so much, always I have said to your mother that she has made a wonderfully spoilt creature in you.” As she finished speaking she threw her arms open wide and grinning a hideous grin levitated towards a similarly grinning Vlad.

The two of them embraced for a few minutes then Vlad being the one to break the cuddle stepped back and asked. “So, why have you summonsed me? Grandmother, what have I done wrong this time?” The Grandmother with the Invisible Cape raised her eye brows took a sharp intake of breath, folded her arms and then said. “Vladimir, I know it is your duty to travel this world and do as you see fit, which I must say to your credit you have done since before the beginning of time and you have” at this point her voice dropped and it seemed as if she might choke on her words.” Done a very good job.” These last words were almost inaudible and Vlad said. “Pardon Grandmother I did not catch that.” “Tough!” replied the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape. “I shall not be repeating it. I was saying so far you have made a passable job of things but of late you seem to have stopped your travels and to have settled down in a little house in a nondescript town in middle England of all places!!!!!!!!!!” as she came to the end of this sentence her voice was climbing as high as the ceiling and she was choking again. Noticing that Vlad appeared to be amused by the situation she demanded an explanation.

Now it is not often that Vlad is stumped for an answer or at a loss for words but he was now and he had no idea of what to say in his defence. He could see that the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape was in no mood to wait and he could see that her toes were beginning to tap again (as were those on her chair. which was inching closer and closer every silent second that passed.)

Vlad thought he was lost as he could not think a single explanation except the only one that the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape would not like. Sweat was dropping from is brow and he could feel the heat of his Grandmothers rage and the chair was now attacking his legs. Just as he decided all was lost the door at the far end of the hall burst open and in came Boris carrying White Ted on the palm of his hand and whatsmore he was followed by two richly dressed creatures. One of which was a bear the other, the female was a bat.

The Grandmother with the Invisible Cape had just raised her silver cane to Vlad when she was distracted by the sudden noise of the door opening and people or should I say creatures entering.

When she saw who was approaching she stopped and seemed frozen in time.

“Mother in law how are you, I must say you do not age at all. You look every bit as interesting as when I first met you.” Ivan the Vampire Bear approached the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape a large grin spreading across his face he was genuinely pleased to see her. Spreading his arms to give her a big cuddle he rushed towards the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape, who did not seem to share his enthusiasium and was visibly horrified by his advance! “Don’t start all that!” she command in a voice that could turn milk into yoghurt ay fifty paces. Then throwing up her hands and to Vlad’s’ relief dropping her cane she froze the approaching Ivan in mid flight. “That will sort him out for a while.” She muttered. Then the room was filled with unusual warmth, any warmth was unusual really in this place. The female of the couple Annuska, Vlad’s Mother and Ivan’s wife, was speaking. “Now Mother that was very unkind. You know how much he loves you he was so excited when I told him we were coming to visit. Please undo the spell.”

Vlad looked up to where his mother was hovering next to the static Ivan and waived. “Is that my Vladdy?” cried Annuska in delight “I did not know you would be here. How wonderful.” she clapped her paws and beamed from pointed ear to pointed ear. “Look Ivan its’ Vladdy look!” She said shaking the frozen bear by her side then remembering she snapped. “Mother will you please release Ivan at once!” “Alright.” replied the Grandmother with the Invisible cape, a nasty grin crossing her face. Quick as a flash she lowered her cane and before he had time to recover himself the unfortunate Ivan was sent crashing to the floor, just missing bashing into Boris as he went! “Thank you Mother.” tutted a rather annoyed Annuska. “Well.” Muttered the grandmother with the Invisible Cape “he is too nice to me for his own good and I have no patience for his simpering tonight.” Annuska was bristling visibly now as she helped Ivan to his paws and brushed his cape down lovingly. “He does not simper mother he genuinely loves you though goodness knows why, the way you treat him he should not even acknowledge you!” ending her sentence on a hiss Annuska again looked at Ivan and smiled, “are you alright dear?” she enquired. “Yes thanks beloved, I see the old dear has not lost any of her sense of humour in the years since our last visit.” Said Ivan putting his paw through Annuska’s and hugging her. “Is that you Vlad, my lad?” He called across the room as he caught sight of Vlad teetering on the arm of the big black and red chair. “What a good boy you are, how nice of you to visit your old Grandmother, when did you arrive, did you know we were coming?” Ivan was so pleased to see Vlad that he did not notice the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape, who was bristling with anger, approaching him from the side her cane poised to strike. Infact it was only the look on Vlad’s face and the horror in Annuska’s voice as she shouted out “No!” that he was, just in the nick of time alerted to the fact that he was in danger. As he swung around he came face to red face with the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape. “Oh Mother in law you want a cuddle” he beamed stepping foreword and catching her up in his arms he proceeded to dance her around in a big circle laughing and singing loudly as he did. This did not improve the Grandmother with the Invisible Capes’ mood in the slightest infact there was already smoke pouring out from her ears and mouth and her bat wings, normally hidden were nervously twitching for all to see. “Put me down you cretin!” She angrily shrieked at the blissfully happy Ivan. “Put me down before I have you put down!” She was screaming now and the icicles that had earlier formed on the chandeliers were now raining down on those beneath. Well Annuska thought that at this point something had to be done so taking hold of Boris’s arm she asked him to rescue the Grandmother and distract the affectionate Ivan before the Grandmother with the Invisible cape carried out her threats. Being her daughter Annuska knew only too well that the “old dear” was quite capable of carrying out her threats and much more!

Mission accomplished Boris and Ivan were settled in the kitchen by the fire drinking a bottle or two of the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape’s best wine enjoying a chat about the old times. White Ted who had been astounded and exhausted by the events of the night was asleep at their feet in a little bed that Olga had made for him. Meanwhile back in the Great Hall Annuska was trying to calm her mother down and at the same time asking Vlad what was going on for him to have received a summons here to the Castle. “Mother why have you sent for us all it is not convenient for us to drop everything at this time of year. We were in the middle of preparing the Winter Palace for the nearly new Millennium celebrations. I have so much to do and good as he tries to be Ivan, as much as I love him is as much help as a chocolate fire guard.” Vlad looked up at his mother, at this point licked his lips and smiled. Smiling back and patting his head Annuska continued “Mother it is most inconvenient of you to demand our presence right now when you know how rushed I am!” The Grandmother with the Invisible Cape again was bristling as she visibly grew several inches and moved towards her daughter, pushing Vlad out of her way as she went. “I will summons who I want when I want as urgently as I want!!” as she finished speaking her voice had risen to high shriek that was splintering the ice bound chandeliers. “and when may I ask was I to get my invite to these grand celebrations, had you sent the chocolate fire guard out with mine as I have not received it yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!” As she ended this time she turned on her heels and stomped back to her chair and as she sat down in it she tapped twice with her pointy toes and the chair raised itself up on its legs and scuttled back to the fire, turning its’ back on Annuska and Vlad as it went.

Well that explains a lot though Annuska to herself how typical of Mother to assume that we have forgotten her. Giving Vlad a knowing smile and a comforting pat on the arm she took a deep breath and began to speak. “Mother dear I have not sent any invitations yet, you know full well that the Snowman of Seidozero has not awoken from his long sleep yet and you are the first name on his Sub Artic list. Why do you always assume the worst of me? Have I ever let you down? When have you not been included in the past?” At this the chair slowly inched its way round so that the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape was again facing them. Looking a little shamefaced, but not a lot, the old bat cleared her throat and said. “Well, err ….. I um” just when it looked as if ,for once in Millennia, Annuska had struck her mother speechless a wicked glint sparked in the Grandmother with the Invisible Capes’ eyes and she triumphfully announced “You married that chocolate fire guard Ivan against my wishes and better judgment!” Smiling widely she awaited her daughters reply. She did not bargain on what she got though. Annuska, normally extremely patient with her mother went red in the face and she now began to grow in size and width. Her shadow filled the room and Vlad who had never seen his mother this enraged ran swiftly under the table for safety. “How dare you call my beloved Ivan that? I let it go the first time but not a second time.” Before Annuska could continue her mother cut in. “You called him one first.” Holding up her hand to silence her mother, no mean feat but she succeeded, Annuska continued, “I am allowed to call him what I want he is my husband and I love him.” Throwing her arms down by her side Annuska stamped her foot and the whole room shook icicles and dust flying everywhere. “Why must you always do this? Mother. Why do you always assume you are being hard done by? Let’s face it no one in their right mind would dare leave you out. We, least of all, Ivan and I love you dearly for all your bad temper and mean mindedness. Though for the life of me I cannot understand why Ivan loves you so much you treat him like dirt under your shoes.” With this Annuska threw her wings up in the air and after taking a deep breath shrunk to her normal size and sat on a near by chair. “Come here Vlad and give your mother a hug. Gosh I need one!” Slowly encase there were anymore falling icicles Vlad emerged from beneath the table and when he was sure it was safe rushed into his mothers open arms. The Grandmother with the Invisible Cape watched all this from her chair and slowly a smile crept across her wrinkled face.

Back in the kitchen White Ted had woken up and been introduced to Ivan and was now listening intently to the tales the other two were telling him. Snuggled up in the crook of Boris’s arm white Ted felt very safe and warm. Whether this warmth was from Boris, the fire or the glass of wine he had just drank he was not sure. Ivan was in full flow reminding Boris of the last time they had been salmon fishing on the Kola Peninsular. What a time they had had and what huge Atlantic salmon they had caught and taken back to the Winter Palace where the cook had prepared it for their supper and they had sat on the roof eating it and watching the show being put on by the Aurora Borealis. How the Sky had been lit up that night and after they had finished the meal they had all flown over the Peninsular so that Boris and Olga could see all the sights from the shores of the Barents Sea to the Bay of Kandalaksha taking in the LakesUmbozero and Lovozero and all the beautiful forests in between then they had stopped of for a cup of hot chocolate with the Snowman at Seidozero before travelling to Monchegorsk on Lake Imandra for a spot of late night skiing Needless to say they had slept late into the next day and Olga and Annuska had got bored waiting for them and gone to visit the Hibini Mountains where they had had a lovely day picnicking in the valleys and ice skating on the glaciers. White Ted was very taken with Ivan and could see where a lot of Vlad’s character had come from. He was certainly an entertaining chappy and good to be around. Just as they were about to open another bottle of wine Olga entered the kitchen and told them that Ivan and white Ted were to report to the Great hall at once. “Oh good” said Ivan jumping up and sending his glass crashing to the floor. Wine

and glass spreading all over the place. “Come on white Ted at last you get to meet my wonderful and lovely mother in law again.” With that he leaped over the broken glass and spilt wine and scooped white Ted up into his arms and was gone. “I shall never get used to that even if I live for ten million years, never.” Olga said shaking her head and stooping down to clear up the mess. “No” agreed Boris “that disappearing never gets easier to cope with does it?” and he too bent down to help his wife.

Ivan, as ever, was in a rush to get back to the great hall and his ‘beloved mother in law’. White Ted clung to him as fast as he could so as not to fall from any great height. “Listen Ted” Ivan said in a hushed voice “we will take the short cut through the hall of mirrors but do not tell the others that we came this way as they will only moan at me and I get moaned at enough without asking for it!” with this said he told white Ted to close his eyes and keep them shut tight until he was told otherwise. White Ted shut his eyes and held on tight to Ivan’s red and gold waistcoat and felt the rush of wind as they did a left turn he then felt something strange that he could not describe a sort of pushing and spreading feeling. Had he had his eyes open he would have been amazed as Ivan had just flown them through a four foot thick stone wall and they were now in along and narrow hall lined on both sides, ceiling and floor with huge mirrors. As they travelled through this strange place white Ted could not resist the urge to take a peep. Very slowly and carefully so that Ivan would not notice white Ted turned his head and opened his eyes. The first thing to strike him was the light, it was so bright and hot he was sweating and his eyes hurt so much that he decided that he would close them right away. Just at that precise second he caught sight of himself in the mirrors! I say saw himself because that was all he could see, he could feel Ivan holding him, he could feel Ivan’s breath on his forehead and he could hear Ivan’s voice as he sang a strange song. What he could not see, and this worried him, was Ivan! White Ted looked up, down and to both sides still he could not see Ivan what he could see to his horror was that they were heading towards a huge guilt mirror at the end of the room and Ivan was not slowing down! As the end of the hall got nearer and nearer Ted decided that he would have to trust in blind faith, so he closed his eyes and crossed his paws just as he felt the sensations he had felt on entering the hall and he assumed that they were out the other side safely. “Ok little one you can open the old peepers now and please remember what I told you we were never in the hall of mirrors!” Ivan said ending with a conspiratorial wink.

Annuska was rushing along the corridor that lead from the great hall to the top of the staircase where she was hoping to head off Ivan and white Ted as she rounded the fist corner she was amazed to come face to face with them both, Ivan looking guilty and white Ted stunned. “How did you get here?” asked Annuska coming to a dead stop then taking a deep breath she added “don’t answer that I do not want to know.” She smiled a knowing smile at Ivan and said I see you have bought the little white one. He is very cute and reminds me of Peter the polar bear we met years ago on that that short break we had in the artic circle on St Lawrence Island. Oh he was a sweetie too! But I digress I am out here to catch you both before you go in, Mother is in a terrible mood!” at this point she held up a hand to silence Ivan who was about to speak. “No Ivan do not interrupt me , we do not have much time and what happens next in there” she now motioned back over her shoulder with her paw “will not only affect you and I but Vlad, this little fellow, Vlad’s little family and some innocent humans. So listen to me good and take what I say in!” At this point Ivan started babbling on about his mother in law being a big softy and that he could win her round with a joke and a smile. Annuska was at screaming point when would this dear, kind hearted creature wake up and smell the coffee. This was not a fairy queen they were dealing with this was the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape and she was angry and threatening to call the neighbours in. The last time the Dracul’s had been invited in the place had been wrecked and it had frankly ended up as a bloodbath. No she decided she must take firm action and now. Quick as a flash she spread her wings and waved them over beloved Ivan’s head saying as she did “No words of wisdom shall escape from your lips tonight” and then just to be doubly sure she added “and no rubbish either.” Ivan tried to appeal to her but not a sound left his lips. “Right I think we are ready to face her now come on lets go and Ivan, I mean this, do not move from my side your sons’ and our futures’ depend on this!” Annuska then smiled at white Ted and said “Come to me little one and do not be afraid as long as you are quiet and stay with me you will be safe” then with a final warning look to Ivan she turned and lead the way back to the great hall.

Vlad meanwhile had been telling the Grandmother with the invisible cape about his wife and son, his friends and the human family that he was staying with. He was doing quite a good job and she was, at least, listening to him. As he explained how he had been bought in error, mistaken for a Halloween toy, travelled from New York America to Berkshire England in a suitcase and all his adventures since. He had her smiling, well as near to a smile as she could manage, at points he had her annoyed but on the whole she was beginning to see that Vlad had commitments to these creatures he called his family and also a begrudging love for the family of humans who for whatever reasons loved him very much. Things were going well, Vlad thought to himself, as he continued to explain that these humans only spent a short time in their world before they died. He knew that his grandmother new this fact well but he felt it was crucial to his case. “So grandmother their short lives are but a wink of your eye and they have given me much pleasure and I think I have given them pleasure too by allowing them to live in my presence. I only ask that you allow me to stay with them until the line dies out. This will not be long a mere century or two, nothing to you of such patience.” Watching the grandmother with the Invisible Capes’ face Vlad realised he was creeping too much and that she was loosing her temper with him so he quickly put in. “Alright, we all know you have no patience but you could visit regularly and I promise that I will bring the Vladdette and baby Vlad to see you often.” Seeing he was at last winning he decided to stop pleading his case while he was ahead. So with a coy smile he ended by saying “I have a friend called Abbi who makes a mean chicken soup and I am sure he and cook would get on like a house on fire.” This was a very apt turn of phrase as the cook was a partime pyromaniac. The tapping of the grandmothers toes and scratching of her claws, and that of her chair also, had stopped, she was considering Vlad’s’ case. ………………..Seconds then minutes ticked by Vlad sat down on the arm of the chair. The great hall was so silent that it was deafening …………..you could hear a rubber band drop! The chair started to scratch its’ leg then suddenly stopped, feeling embarrassed by braking the quiet! This went on for what felt like ages and just when Vlad felt he could take it no longer and his head would burst…………….. CREAK the door at the far end of the room swung open.

“Mother” called Annuska as she entered the hall cradling white Ted gently in her claws and followed by a smiling Ivan who was waiving furiously to the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape. Spotting this Annuska slapped his paw down and hissed “be still will you and leave things to me” a crest fallen Ivan lowered his paw and bowed, in obedience to his wife. “Here we are mother as you requested all of us including the little white one. See I have him here in my claw.”

The Grand mother with the Invisible Cape looked up from her chair, her face a picture, not a nice one but a picture all the same. “And?” she replied curtly looking at her son in law and daughter as they approached. “And!” answered Annuska as she landed delicately in front of her mothers chair, which tried, unsuccessfully to trip her up, nasty thing. The Grandmother with the Invisible Cape watched as Ivan bumped down and stood quietly beside his wife. She waited a few seconds and when he had not opened his mouth she asked “What is the matter with him has the bat got his tongue?” she then proceeded to cackle at her own joke. No one else even smiled but she was undeterred and carried on by adding “No sickly sweet greeting for me Ivan my little slug?” Annuska squeezed Ivan’s paw to reassure him, though he did not need it as his hide was, metaphorically speaking ten foot thick. Deep breath time again for Annuska and then she announced. “Mother have you listened to what Vlad has to say in his defence?” “I have!” replied her mother. “And have you reached a decision about his future?” “I have” said the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape, possible a smile crossing her lips but it could have been indigestion. Again there was silence and the only sound was the fire crackling and then to everybody’s surprise white Ted piped up. “Well what is it then? Please.” The silence continued, if a little shocked by the interruption. Then as if it were the simplest of matters the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape said, “Thank you white Ted for your directness I like that. After some consideration and great thought I can see that Vlad has done well over the centuries. He has worked hard as the representative of this great family and has caused havoc not only in this universe but also in many others too. After more thought I can see that he may deserve a short rest and as he seems to have a family to support now it would be unworthy of me to punish him.”

At this point she was interrupted by white Ted again. “Punish him for what?” all eyes were on him now, then slowly all eyes turned back to the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape who was shaking in her chair. No one new that she was actually laughing but she was. “Punish him for neglecting his duties and me; punish him for allowing his powers to grow rusty with disuse. But as I said I will not punish him if he will spend time here with me every once in a while to hone his powers back to full strength. Also he must bring the Vladdette and Baby Vlad here to spend time at the castle. I shall also be making impromptu visits to Berkshire to meet the friends and also the lowly humans he is gracing with his presence.” Every one was waiting with baited breath to see if she was finished. She was not “Furthermore I demand that my invitation to the nearly new Millennium party be the first to be delivered and that Ivan brings it personally.” As she ended the Grandmother with the Invisible cape reached out to her daughter and said. “Give me that little white Bear I would like a chat with him and Vlad.” With that she snatched white Ted from Annuska’s claw and then looking at Annuska and Ivan she shouted “I thought you were busy, do you not have a party to organise. Well don’t just stand there be gone. Get organising, things will not get done at the Winter Palace with you two numskulls standing there with your mouths open!!!”

As they left the great hall Annuska removed the spell from Ivan so as they went the Grandmother had to listen to a string of endearments from him. This greatly annoyed her as Annuska knew it would. Left alone in the great hall Vlad, white Ted and the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape talked long into the night. The next morning after a huge breakfast the entire castles’ staff turned out to waive Vlad and white Ted off on their return journey home. Before they left they made arrangement for the Grandmother with the Invisible capes’ first visit to England and they would all see each other at the party at the Winter Palace on the Kola Peninsular very soon.

That as they say is another story as was the journey home!!!!!!!!!!!!1

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

Good evening friends. It is quite a while since I have had time to stop and take time out of my busy schedule to talk to you. I did try to talk to you all last night but due to the incompetence of the week minded assistant there were too many technical hitches and so with her tied up and lock in a cupboard I am having to resort to wearing out my paws and claws by doing this myself!!!!

Yesterday was a magnificent occasion ( totally spoilt by the WMA ) What I hear you ask was the occasion? Well you need wonder no more as I will tell you now!! Yesterday was the very first Anniversary of of my illustrious Blog #### yes we have been communicating now for just over a year!

What times and adventures we have shared ? I have taken you through time and space, we have traversed Galaxies and Universes and seen sights and sounds beyond your wildest dreams. You have met my families human and inhuman, including the weak minded assistant and her family, friends and their cats. Also you have been treated to a glimpse of some of my many properties and estates... not to mention meeting the Grandmother with the invisible Cape, her throne and her miscreant cat Tommikns.

We have together foiled the evil Millaine the Villain from defeating the Empress Valentina , solved the mystery of the stolen Christmas . You have been taken along to not only the preparations for, but the actual vampire parties that you honestly had no business to attend ( being mere mortals).

I have taken you on frequent visits up north to watch the Aurora Borealis , whilst I have had to deal with our rather inebriated servant who deals with that task. You have met my friend Mother Nature and heard all her worries about your tiny planet ... It fact thanks to you I have been spending a lot of time up North and South breathing cool air on to the polar ice caps to stop global warming!!!

Together we have saved Madge ( she of the loose legs and even looser morals ) from the wicked clutches of Raynard the Fox!! We also spent an exciting time at the Tower of London sorting out the ghosts who were disturbing my friends the Ravens. And much, much more . OH! such times we have had.

What's that , it is the dulcet tones of Vladdette calling to me , she needs my assistance, coming my dearest ....... Yer, right, you have it in one , I am out of here!!

What's that you say... the photos ? the first is of my inhuman relatives and slaves , the second is a mixture of friends human and otherwise and the last is Rex and I on our hols last month in Sardinia!!

The Vladdette approaches I must be gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vlad loves Last FM

Last FM rocks and VLAD says try it out!!!!

Pelonious,iceburbs and wanderers

Good Morning my friends unusual as it is for me to be speaking to you before I settle down in my cosy coffin for a rest, I though I would honour you all with my wisdom today!! Yesterday I was most busy helping the human father as he demolished and removed a set of concrete steps and part of a brick wall.. Heavy work yes indeed but to one like me en dowered with supernatural strength and energy it was a mere trifle ( the same cannot be said of the human father).
Do you recall that I had had , yet once again , occasion to trek up North the other night to sort out our less than useful 'retainer of the Aurora Borealis ' who as usual not been taking his job seriously. Still never mind that as I was going to say whilst I was there I bumped into an old friend Pelonious Penguin!!
Well we went to his igloo ( a most impressive place ).
After a we had had a drink he told me that there had been several sightings of a strange woman . This woman had been seen wandering out on the iceflow ...apparently she had a very worried look on her face and appeared to measuring something !! I was , ofcourse intrigued!!
GOOD GRIEF!!!! is that the time I must get some shut eye or I shall not get through this day as I have a full programme of landscape gardening , and shredding
of important documents down at the mothers, friends office ...oooooooooh! I love that mechine. I really must retire for some rest and I promise I will be back soon to tell you more about the woman on the ice, incidentally there is a photo of her at the top of this blog..................................

Subdifuge and strange sightings??

The Feeble minded assistant has been very preoccupied these last few days, she has been rushing around arranging things for herself........ I ask you how selfish is that ?? Never mind that I am the most important thing in her life she should not be neglecting me!!!
As, those of you who have made my acquaintance , will know, I am not one to sit around wondering what she is up to . I have , after extensive investigations discovered that she is planning a holiday!!!! YES a holiday and as yet she has said nothing to me about it so I can only imagine that this is an oversight on her part....well lets face it she and Mr Oversight are not unacquainted are they? I have been through her computer and discovered that she has booked herself airline tickets and Insurance and has been in contact with one of her sisters ( and not the Aunt frank) who is abroad!!!..But there is no mention of me??? A simple lapse of memory I am sure!!
You may recall there other evening I had , had occasion to travel up North to attend to the Aurora Borealis, which our untrustworthy retainer had messed up again!! Well whilst I was there I met my old friend Pelonius Penguin....... I have known him for years and we have had some wonderful times together. He was extreemely pleased to see me and invited me back to his place for a hot drink and a good old chat! So we made our way across the the floating bergs to his magnificent igloo There is a photo at the top of this blog showing a few members of his illustrious family floating around ! After we had had our drink and some light refreshments Pelonious told me of the strange ( but regular sightings ) there had been of late of a mysterious woman out on the ice flow!............ OH! please excuse me but is that the grandmother I hear...good grief it is ....I am off before she collars me to do any more of her damn audit ....until we meet again good night ... I will continue this tale but not right now...............................

Check This out Bjork Lovers

VISITING THE ULTRAVERSE

Again I have been so busy that I have not had enough time to to stop and chat to you as much as I would like! I have learned of the the millions of years that I have been 'FLAPPING' around this universe that this is the time of year the you newcomers (HUMANS) feel in much need of comfort and solace.... you all seem to wane in the the absence of the sun ...especially those of you who reside in the northern hemisphere of the this tiny planet Earth!! Perhaps that is the reason you are all doing your damdest to reduce your blue and green world to a dead and barren dessert.......... OK OK I have lectured you all enough on the subject and if you are all, as it would seem hell-bent on careering off into oblivion ...so be ,SO BE IT !!
This morning I returned from another universe one I have no doubt you have no comprehension or knowledge of . The Grandmother had asked me if I would visit the "Ultraverse" and check her properties there for her. You may recall my mentioning that she was hold an audit of all her properties in each universe ( Yes there are more than one and more than your clever clogs scientist think they know of!!)
When I left you last you will remember that I was off up north to check out the Aurora Borealis yet again our untrustworthy servant had had a tough too much of the evil brew and had slept through his alarm. I had to awaken him and get him sobered up so that the Northern Lights as you call them could be on display!!
While I was busy with the errant light keeper I ran into an old friend Pelonios Penguin , a very dear friend of mine who is also an immortal! I have enclosed a photo of him at the bottom of the blog as you can see he is a fine figure of a Penguin.
Whilst I was visiting the the Ultraverse I took a photo of your lovely world ..... and though the colours are a tad strange I think even your eyes will be able to see the beauty of it!! I have put that photo at the top of the blog tonight! Well duty once again calls and i must be off and at them!! I will tell you all about the adventures i had in the Ultraverse next time we meet..I bid you all a GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good evening my dear friends..... I have been so busy of late I have not had time to catch my breath!!! The feeble minded assistant has been most busy at work as many of her colleagues are either off sick or taking leave which has meant that those who are left are working extra hard.
I have had great fun lately spreading angel dandruff all over your little kingdom. Such fun watching those of you who live up north having to dig your way out of your gardens, trains grinding to a halt and traffic on the motorways slowing to a crawl .... and on the smaller roads to a complete standstill. I was particularly pleased with my efforts on Wednesday night I work extremely hard over the capital and when you all awoke you found that London itself resembled Siberia !!
The mothers friend ( the one with the office overlooking the trains) has some strange breed of creature visiting her office this week. A very dodgy breed called auditors. I have so far spent two afternoons observing them and all they do is compare
pieces of paper and add up numbers .....well I have mixed up some of their sheets for them ...that should keep them busy.......................
The Grandmother with the Invisible Cape has been very busy making an audit of her properties...... she is much stricter than your human auditors there only needs to be one cobweb out of place for heads to roll!! She was , though most impressed with the progress that the two boys of mine have been making with their night flying. If I say so myself both Vlad-san and Baby Vlad are now most impressive flyer's and swoopers!!Well my dears I must away as yet once again there is a problem with the Aurora B0realis and muggins here has to go and sort it out....no doubt Tommikins and a large bottle of wine will involved.
so farewell for now my dears!!

Ozone Repairs, Flying Vampire Bears and Fresh Air powered Cars

Today was an absolutely wonderful day for flying and boy did I take advantage of it ?? Well of course I did and I took Baby Vlad and Vlad-san with me ..... It did me a power of good to see those two princes of my realm whooshing here and there and looping the loop and dive bombing the unlucky Magpies that we encountered. The sun was up the sky was blue and the wind had dropped a tad. I do believe that all the hard the boys and I had put into helping Mother Nature on Friday night has paid off....... but be warned it is only a temporary fix you lot must buck up and make some serious changes your self!
Last night I accompanied the human Mother and Father to the Theatre and what an interesting time I had the humans greatly enjoyed the show and I had great fun buzzing the performers and making mobile phone ( belonging to the audience ) ring ...Tee Hee such fun!! As it was a rather old Theatre I met some very old friends lurking around in the wings and gliding along the Mezzanine .....................
The humans had the grandmother without the invisible cape around for the day and cooked he a splendid lunch ...As I have said before she is not to confused with my Grandmother, she of The Invisible Cape , as I have said before that would be fatal!!!!!!!
Well I must away things to do ghouls to see..... the photos? OH! yes one is of the boys and I sorting out the ozone the other night,and the CAR !!! Yes a present from Mother Nature ...it runs on Fresh air ....I do not lie it runs on fresh air!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEADACHE PILLS AND MOTHER NATURE

WHAT A DAY I HAVE HAD !! THE MOTHER HAD AN APPOINTMENT AT THE DENTIST...UNFORTUNATELY SHE NEEDED NO TORTURE THOUGH THEY STILL MANAGED TO CHARGE HER £30 FOR THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING TOLD SHE NEEDED NO WORK DONE? SHE THEN HAD TO GO TO WORK , WHERE CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS ,SEVEN HUMANS IN HER SECTION WERE OFF SICK AND SO THOSE THAT WERE LEFT STANDING HAD TO WORK HARDER FASTER AND LONGER!! FUNNILY ENOUGH, THOUGH SHE DID NOT MOAN OR COMPLAIN ABOUT ANY OF THIS AND JUST SEEMED TO TAKE IT ALL IN HER STRIDE ....LETS US SAY IT ALL SEEMED TO GO RIGHT OVER HER HEAD. I PUT IT ALL DOWN TO THE NEW PILLS SHE IS TAKING FOR A PERSISTENT HEAD ACHE!! NO I AM NOT TO BLAME AND I TAKE THE GREATEST OF EXCEPTION TO YOU EVEN HINTING THAT I AM.
PERSONALLY I SPENT THE MORNING WITH THE MOTHER'S FRIEND WHO IS CARRYING OUT A MOST IMPORTANT AUDIT. TODAY WAS EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD AS WE SPENT THE ENTIRE MORNING IN THE VIDEO CONFERENCE ROOM ...I HAD LOTS OF FUN WITH ALL THE EQUIPMENT BEHIND THE FRIENDS BACK!! :)
ON AN EVEN MORE PERSONAL NOTE I AM STILL WORKING HARD TO PROCURE ENOUGH MONEY TO REPURCHASE THE GRANDMOTHER'S CASTLE SHE IS AS WE SPEAK HOLED UP WITH TOMMIKINS AND GREGORE THE BUTLER. THEY ARE REPELLING ALL PROSPECTIVE BUYERS WITH BOILING OIL (VIRGIN BOILING OIL , THAT IS, NOTHING BUT THE BEST). ON MY TRAVELS TODAY I VISITED MY FRIEND MOTHER NATURE .SHE HAS SOME JOBS FOR ME AND IS WILLING TO PAY ME HANDSOMELY AND CONSIDERING MY PRESENT, EMBARESSING MONEY SITUATION, I AM MORE THAN GRATEFUL TO ASSIST HER. SHE HAS ASKED ME TO MEND A WHOLE IN THE OZONE AND REPAIR THE MELTING POLAR CAPS......WELL AS YOU LOT ARE NOT INTERESTED IN DOING SO AND I AM TEMPORALLY SHORT OF FUNDS I SNAPPED HER HAND OFF ( FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING ....EVEN VAMPIRES DO NOT MESS WITH MOTHER NATURE!!)
I MUST AWAY NOW AS THERE IS PLENTY TO GET DONE BEFORE THE DAWN AND THE VLADDETTE HAS ASKED ME TO TAKE THE TWO BOYS WITH ME AS SHE WISHES TO SPRING CLEAN THE COFFIN! WHY SHE HAS TO CLEAN THE COFFIN ( SPRING TIME OR ANY TIME)IS BEYOND ME..... BUT THERE IS NO UNDERSTANDING THE FEMALE MIND...HUMAN OR NOT. .................. BY THE WAY THE PHOTOS ARE BOTH OF ME WITH MOTHER NATURE DISCUSSING WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GREETINGS I AM BACK AT LAST....DID YOU MISS ME ??

Good Evening Friends ....I know I have been absent for quite a while, but I have not been idle pawed!! After the normal New year debarcle, that you humans make so much of! I have had to face up to some nasty family truths. As you know Tommikins ( the Grandmother's evil cat had got Ivan , my sweet natured father , into terrible trouble. Not only Ivan was inveigled into his webb of crime but also Madge the chicken was too!!
Luckily for me I got those original problems sorted just in time for Christmas Eve...... only to land myself in even hotter water. You will recall my friends Nycol and The Tzar , muckers of mine for sometime now. Well as it happens they had made the acquaintance of a couple of shady customers . To cut a long story short they got themselves ...and me ( I add to my shame ) involved in several games of poker with extremely high stakes!! Well at first all was going well but then , and for the life of me I cannot work out why, we were falling deeper and deeper into debt!! Well the drink and the nosh was free flowing and before too long I had pawned the Grandmothers Castle in Transylvania!! Well it made the National papers and went world wide on the net too !! There is was in Black and white and multi colour on the web....
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/01/09/wdracula09.xml

Gambling Debts !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well you can imagine the Grandmother reaction, not only to the fact that she was about to have her home sold out from under paws but that I was the instigator of the problem!! To add insult to injury it was in the press and and on the web and all sorts of Tosh was being written about it possibly being the Castle owned by Vlad Dracule , AKA Vlad the Impaler ...one of our minor and not so near relatives!!!!! well that was the finale straw for her! I am now as you can see from the photo at the top and bottom of my blog having to accrue as much of the readies and folding stuff as I can and as fast as I can......The Grandmother with with the Invisible Cape is not known for her patience!!!
The feeble minded assistant is as much help as a hole in the head...I have asked her to do overtime at work and she has refuse unequivocally to comply and the human father...well he is spending it quicker than I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well I must be off I can't stand here chatting to you I must be off and earn earn >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

New Year same old Crap

Well tell me do what on earth was all that commotion last night ...... a new year you say.... SO Bl#### WHAT, a new year is nothing to me, who has lived for millennia it is nought but the blinking of an eye!! Just why to you all make such a thing of it all promising to be nicer to each other .... making resolutions that you have absolutely no intentions of keeping..... Lets face it by the second of January you will be at each others throats... wars will still be waging ...children dyeing nations starving and fat cats getting fatter and greedier.
Face it you humans are a load of bigoted self-centred lying gits!!! I have seen you all repeat the same old crap, make the same mistakes and be down right nasty to each other for centuries and no doubt I will witness much more of the same . Yes you think you are so civilised ...go on spend Millions of pounds on Fireworks never mind the starving millions... never mind the homeless the cold . Be bigoted about gays, people of different colours, different nationalities go on carry on .. you will all disappear soon if you carry on!!!!!! I am carrying a guiding light for you all ( at the top of the blog no doubt you are all too blind to see it let alone follow it!!!)

Ok I have have had my rant .... the last one I had was a few months back ............. and you took no notice of that either. Well I would on behalf of my family and servants I would like to wish you all a happy and healthy 2007 ... but to be honest it would be completely pointless as, for as much as I have taken you humans to my heart ( metaphorically speaking as I do not have a heart) you are a lost cause and seem hell bent on making each other unhappy ans wasting all the resources of your planet!! I shall just say think on what I have had to say tonight and try now ... even though it is too late , to be better beings. Photo at the bottom of the Blog is another friend I met whilst pursuing Tommikins the sleigh thief....and to be honest he is worth a dozen of human beings ... think on !"!!

Festivities End HO HO HO HO!!

Good evening my friends , what a a time I have had these past few days.... it was all entertaining on Christmas Eve !! Not withstanding that I also had to sort out Nick and his delivery problems...well that done it was all down to supervising the feeble minded assistant to do the cooking and keep all concerned happy!!
I tell you now , troublesome as Nick's problems had been it was the easier of the two tasks!! ......Never mind my travials how was your Christmas did you all survive without bludgeoning each other ...my human family did and even seemed to enjoy each others company! On other other hand my inhuman family do not, as such, celebrate Christmas. They all tend to hole up at the Castle in Transylvania drink a lot of the red stuff and eat what ever comes to hand and terrorise the locals...... I love that bit!! The castle is so unwelcoming ...damp, dank and cold just what the DR ordered!! Mother and father go out of their way to decorate the place with wreaths and dead flowers and the Grandmother lays on a banquet fit for the dead!! So refreshingly unlike your fluffy wuffy sweety weety all is lovely ..joke !! Half of you are pretending and the rest are just plain miserable ...... Hold on, sounds just like the tickets to me!!
Anyway I have not got time to hang about here as I have to take the boys out to teach them how to terrorise the peasants!! ........ Do you remember I told you while I was out looking for the stolen sleigh I met many new friends the photo at the bottom of the blog is of two chaps I met on my travels ... Gary and Baldy
will fill you in on their pedigree later.... Must be off so will speak to you all soon . So relax now all the festivities are over so now you can all slump back into your old ways and stop pretending to be enjoying yourselves!! ........................................

ALL IS WELL THAT ENDS WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hold the front page!!!
I am so sorry that you have had to manage without me around to help..... but you will just have to appreciate that things have been absolutely horrendous for me!! Not only have I had to rescue my father from the wicked clutches of the evil Tommikins ( so beloved of the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape) But I had to save Madge the gingham chicken ( she of the loose nerves and even looser legs!!)
My father had been duped into stealing my friend Nick's sleigh , which incidentally was fully loaded with Christmas presents for the children ( and young at heart who still believe) of you tiny little Universe.
The trouble is that my Father, Ivan is such a kind and trusting creature that Tomminkins only has to feed him some 'cock and bull' story and Ivan falls for it every time!!.......... Madge on the other hand is such a neurotic and skittish bundle of nerves that Tommikins had to hypnotize her and use her ,Svengali - like ..thus turning her into a cunning and devious accomplice, she is as we speak under going intensive treatment at an undisclosed clinic!!
Anyway I am pleased to announce that after many a twist and turn ..some of which I have shared with you,some which have been too scary to .. and some , like the undercover observations, too boring to trouble you with! I have at last tracked down and retrieved the sleigh ( last seen swooping over Peterborough) and its entire contents!! It was not an easy task and took me completely out this Universe and through several others . I shall be filling you in on some of my exploits and the beings I encountered over the next few weeks .
For now I just wanted you all to know that you can rest assured that all is well and you can all sleep well in your beds tonight safe in the knowledge all your pressies will arrive whole, complete and BANG!!!! on time. Nick has asked me to accompany on his rounds tonight .... as the reindeer have been badly spooked by this whole , sad and sorry affair, and would feel much safer and secure if I am with them tonight! ...... I am just about to settle the two boys ( the Vladdette being out tonight partying with friends ) then I am off to to assist Nick ,with Nycol and the Tzar riding shot gun .
This is only for show as I have made sure the instigator of all this trouble is back with the Grandmother and she has promised to keep him locked in tonight!!
Well all that is left for me to do now is to wish you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and wend my way up North ....................... The photos tonight are, at the top of the blog me with some of my cards and presents saluting you, and one of Nick and I at the very second we discovered the trail of presents that lead us to the stolen sleigh!! .................. Good night and sleep well!!

RANSOM NOTES FLUTTERING ABOVE PETERBOROUGH

I HAVE NO TIME TO STOP AND CHAT THIS EVENING AS THINGS ARE DASHING ON AT AN ALARMING PACE!!!!!!!
TOMMIKINS HAS BEEN SPOTTED FLYING THE MISSING SLEIGH ABOVE PETERBOROUGH! HE WAS HEAVILY DISGUISED BUT DROPPING RANSOM NOTES AS HE WENT (RATHER A GIVE AWAY, WOULD YOU NOT AGREE??)
SO THERE IS NO TIME TO STOP AND CHAT THIS EVENING I MUST BE OFF AND AFTER HIM!!

THE NET IS AT LAST CLOSING !!!

Good news this evening ...Ivan ( my father ) has thawed out and recovered enough to tell us that he was kidnapped by Tommikins and under threat of my life!!!!! I ask you how long will it take him to realize what the word IMMORTAL means???Like myself Ivan is immortal ...... what does he not understand about being immortal?? obviously nothing !! It appears that the infamous, Tommikins, informed Ivan that the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape needed him to perform a special favor for her and that is , how easily my soft hearted dad was dragged into this terrible scam!! SCAM, SCAM WHAT SCAM I HEAR YOU SHOUT!! It appears that Tommikins had it all planned first steal sleigh fully loaded with presents, then send out ransom notes ....... thirdly make sure all attempts at replacing the sleigh were thwarted THEN TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN. It does not end there , no wish that it did, but it gets worse!!
You recall all the incriminating evidence we have on Madge? Well you can believe it is all true ...... but even worse she has no knowledge of how of how she had committed these crimes ... because that cad and bounder Tommikins has hypnotized her and is using her Svengali like . No wonder she denied all and was so convincing!!! I must be off as there are still many leads to follow and time is running out fast!!! Below is a photo of a shocked , stunned and very tired Ivan.
Fear not the net is closing and I have things in hand........... crossed paws!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More missing sleighs... Lieing Chikens and tine ticking on!!!!!!!!!!

Once again dear friends you catch me, only fleetingly as I pass through.... ( this time from the Aunt Frank's house on my way back to the north pole ) Things have taken an even more sinister turn. Yesterday in Peterborough, a northern town on you little island , a sleigh being prepared to assist Nick with his deliveries was stolen as was the truck it was mounted on!!!!!!! The police in that area have requested that I help them as they think their theft and Nicks may be related!
Personally I have absolutely no doubt, what so ever that they are!! Not only is the modus operandi similar but there were , found at both crime scenes, a large footprint, a set of cat paw prints and lastly and most damming a trail of chicken prints and feed!!!!!!! I have just left the Aunts house where I have spent the last hour interviewing the ' mild mannered Madge ' who is still professing her innocence?? I ask how can she still be doing so when my spies have photographic evidence of her involvement in this sad and sorry affair. I am afraid that although as good as banged to rights she is denying all charges ( pulling that pathetic 'I am too weak and nervous to leave the house' routine )..... well it won't wash with me Madge, love NO NO!!
There is some light on the horizon I have managed to locate and , as usual rescue my hapless father. Annuska and I found him gagged and bound and left on the shores of the Sea of Tranquillity ........ we are waiting for him to thaw out and get his breath back .... so he can fill us in what is happening. I can delay no longer and must return to the Interpol incident room where Nick is awaiting me. Below is the above mentioned photographic evidence incriminating Madge...well Aunt Frank explain that ....IF YOU CAN?